Songs of ‘Home’: Kintsugi

A framed print by @sogayjen of an illustration of Hannah Gadsby with her quote, “There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has healed herself”.

I wish I could go back in time and tell Baby Kellee what the period between 2019 and the end of 2024 was going to be like. I think she’d look at me wide-eyed, incredulous and probably scared, unable to believe that she’d come out the other side in one piece. It was a lot, and seemed never-ending. This isn’t the place to go into all the ridiculous details (buy me a non-alcoholic drink sometime and I’ll tell you about it), but it felt like I was lurching from one traumatic event to another and I couldn’t see the alleged light at the end of the tunnel. I totally lost faith in people and isolated myself.

This was just after Australian treasure, comedian Hannah Gadsby, released Nanette, their ground - and heart - breaking Netflix special. They were so honest and open and *raw* in this piece - if you haven’t seen it, I can’t recommend it enough. The show is about their life, their trauma, their self-discovery, their strength, (and is somehow also hilarious and deeply moving at the same time) and I was very affected by it.

At one point, they said something that felt like a thunderclap in my brain.

There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has healed herself.

Not long after that, I bought a print by @sogayjen with an illustration of Hannah Gadsby and this quote. I have it hanging on the wall in my bathroom where I put on my war paint (i.e. make up) as a reminder. Seeing that everyday seared it into my mind and helped me to push through some of the various forms shit that life has thrown at me over the last few years.

Kintsugi - the Japanese artform - is, to me the artistic, tangible embodiment of this quote. It’s the practice of taking pieces of broken ceramic objects and using lacquer and powdered gold to put them back together again. The result highlights the cracks rather than trying to make them invisible, and is stronger and more beautiful than the original.

So am I. Kintsugi came out of my processing of the events of the last few years. It has moments of introspection and anger, but, despite everything, is hopeful and retains a sense of humour that I thought I’d lost. Playing it for the first time with Samuel and John was incredibly fun and somehow vindicating, and I really appreciated them rolling with the changing emotions of the piece. Samuel solos like a boss during a transition that builds beautifully into John leading us in some crazy double-time feel madness at the end, with some very cathartic bashing and crashing.

Don’t let the bastards win.